i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
