you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
