and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
