my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
