my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
