Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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