i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
