Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So much rum. So many feels.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
