Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
