I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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