Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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