at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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