i think i have two assholes
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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