not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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