Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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