do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
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I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
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I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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