somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
it's like iHOP with fire
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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