i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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