yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
