3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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