Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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