Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
