Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
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If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
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You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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