the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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