At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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