Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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