we have officially lost it.
So drunk its hurt
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
