I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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