Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
