Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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