She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
