i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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