i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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