If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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