How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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