My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
