glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
