take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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