shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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