Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
