Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The air was thick with penises
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
