you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
