His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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