I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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