I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
