My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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