omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
