Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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