hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
