What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
