Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My pussy is not your playground.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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