i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
why is half of my head shaved?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
