Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
