Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
