hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
