In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
