Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i was born a porn star she said
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
