Four minutes until I can fart!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
