I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
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i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
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I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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