My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
