I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize
