i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
