Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
