mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
