her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
