He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
